Let’s talk about Needing Attention

 

처음에는 이 책에 어떤 것에 집중을 해야한다는 이야기인줄 알았다. 그러나 가끔 사람들이 다른 사람들로부터 관심을 받고 싶어하는 것에 대한 이야기였다.

“우리는 아프거나, 어려움을 겪고 있거나, 자신이 싫어질 때 다른 사람들로부터 관심을 받고 싶다고 느낄 때가 있다. 그러나 떼를 쓰거나, 울거나, 사람들을 괴롭히는 방법은 적절하지 못하다. 그러한 방법들을 사람들을 화나게 하며, 우리로 하여금 도움을 받지 못하게 방해할 뿐이다. 우리는 오히려 우리에게 도움을 줄 수 있는 사람을 찾아서, 원하는 바를 명확하게 이야기해야 한다. 이 때에는 우리가 강요하거나 협박하는 것처럼 보여서는 안된다. 공손하고 예의바르게 말해야 한다. 또한 우리가 누군가로부터 관심을 받고 싶어하듯, 상대방도 그럴 것이다. 그러므로 필요한 관심을 받기 위해서는 도움을 기다리는 인내심과, 우리 역시 사람을 도와주는 배려가 모두 필요하다.”

책 속에 있는 글만 보자면 참 단순하고 쉬운 원리인 것 같다. 그러나 마음이 급할 때는 책 속의 말처럼 ‘공손하게’ 사람들에게 내가 원하는 바를 정확하게 말하고 있는 것 같지만은 않다. 나 자신도 상대방에게 공손하게 내가 원하는 바를 말하고, 아이들에게도 그렇게 가르쳐 줄 수 있는 사람이 되었으면 한다.

 

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Sometimes you might feel you need more attention.

‘I wish she would give me some attention.’

 

You might feel you need attention b/c you are sick or hurt.

You might want someone to help you feel better.

‘I feel sick. I need some attention.’

 

You might feel you need attention b/c you are having a hard time doing something.

You might want someone to help you with what you are trying to do.

 

You might feel you need attention b/c don’t feel good about yourself.

You might want people to tell you that you are okay.

Or you might want people to tell you that they like you.

 

You might feel you need attention b/c you’re unhappy about a situation.

You might want someone to reassure you that things will be all right.

Or you might want someone to help make the situation better.

 

You might try to get attention by whining, crying, or throwing tantrums.

You might try to get attention by complaining, tattling, or teasing

You might try to get attention by showing off, interrupting, or being rude.

You might try to get attention by disobeying.

 

Doing things that bother people will usually upset them.

Doing things that upset others will not get you the kind of attention you need or want.

 

There are more positive ways that you can get the help, encouragement, and love that you need.

Find a person who can give you some attention.

Tell that person exactly what you need or want.

‘I need some help.’

 

Be polite when you ask for attention.

Try not to make demands or threats.

‘Will you help me with the video player?’

 

Try not to bother a person who is too busy to give you attention.

Instead, make a plan to spend time together when the person is not busy.

Then, patiently wait for that time.

 

People are more likely to give you attention if you give them attention.

So, it is good to give help and encouragement and love whenever you can.

‘Do you want me to help?’

 

Being patient and paying attention to others is the best way to get the attention you need or want.